Blow, Gabriel, Blow
by Tsubasa Hane
Summary: Kurt and Pietro preach to the choir as the cast of XM:E join in one of the funniest numbers of the musical ANYTHING GOES. Ensemble Cast.


This idea came to my while I was bored stiff and reviewing my script for Anything Goes. It was just too good an idea to pass up!

* * *

**Blow, Gabriel, Blow**

* * *

The setting is an extravagant Lounge area, much like those found on a luxury cruise ship, complete with a bar and dance floor. The X-men, Brotherhood, and—just for the sake of it—even the Apocolytes are present. Most of the New Mutants all sit around the center area, their chairs clustered together; Remy resides over at the bar, with Rogue happily sitting in his lap.

**Remy:** *singing* I get no kick from champagne…pure alcohol doesn't thrill me at all…

Logan and Sabertooth sit a few bar stools down, dead set on seeing who can drink the most liquor before even their healing factors can't take it anymore. Scott and Jean are off to one side, sitting very presentably in one of the many couches. Everybody else is pretty much scattered about the room.

The floor spotlight suddenly turns on as Kurt Wagner takes center stage, dressed in a minister's outfit complete with a rosary and Bible. All eyes turn to him as he begins his speech.

**Kurt:** Brotherhood and Sisterhood! Mutants and 'Manda…

Amanda waves from her seat over in the corner. Kurt waves back before continuing.

**Kurt:** We are gathered here today as repentant sinners who wish to redeem ourselves in the eyes of the Lord.

**Everybody:** *enthusiastically* Hallelujah!

Kurt blinks.

**Kurt:** Hey, that ain't bad…

He gestures for Fred to come up onstage with him. As he does so, Kurt places a brotherly arm around him and turns to the audience.

**Kurt:** Look at this poor sinner, who stands beside me at war with his conscience, unable to find peace.

Fred munches happily on a donught.

**Kurt:** And I ask you, do we want war?

**Everybody: **No!

**Kurt:** Do we want peace?

**Everybody:** No!

**Kurt:** Then what do we want?

**Everybody:** Hooray!

Kurt smacks his forehead, then starts wandering off the stage.

**Kurt:** *mutters* I can't deal with this…

Fred follows him, off in search of more doughnuts. Meanwhile, Pietro suddenly appears in Kurt's place, dressed in a Priest's outfit of his own.

**Pietro:** I believe what Brother Fuzzball here was trying to say is, be kind to your friends, for if it weren't for them we'd all be total strangers. In the words of the late-Principal, now Senator Kelly, there is no such thing as a bad mutants, only bad parents.

**Everybody:** Yeah!

Enjoying his moment in the spotlight, Pietro really starts to get into it.

**Pietro:** Wait a minute! Brothers and sisters, I've heard the call. We're here to fight the devil!

**Everybody:** Yeah!

**Pietro:** Now, I want everybody to turn to his—

**Wanda:** *clears her throat loudly*

**Pietro:**—and her neighbor and say, "Bless you brother, bless you sister!"

**Everybody:** Gezuntight!

**Pietro:** Close enough! There's only one way to fight the devil, and that's in the open!

**Everybody:** Yeah!

**Pietro:** There's only one way, and that's to confess your sins!

**Everybody:** Yeah!

Kurt, having recovered somewhat, gets back up onstage to join Pietro.

**Kurt:** Who'll be the first to speak out and say, "I'm a sinner?"

Magneto stands up.

**Magneto:** I'm a sinner!

**Everybody:** Hallelujah!

**Kurt:** Amen!

**Pietro:** Yea-bo!

Magneto sits down, and picks up another shot glass.

**Kurt:** Thank you, Brother. Who's next?

Mystique stands up.

**Mystique:** I'm a sinner!

**Bobby:** She's telling us!

Mystique glares at him; he gives an 'eep' sound, sinking lower into his chair in fear.

**Pietro:** Now, let's get down to the cases. I want you to shout your sins right out in the meeting!

**Everybody:** Hallelujah!

**Kurt:** Amen!

**Pietro:** Yea-bo!

Kurt turns to Pietro.

**Kurt:** You work the floor, Brother Maximoff. Urge them to unburden their souls.

He back off, and Pietro steps forward, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

**Pietro:** Okay, who's gonna squeal? Who's gonna give us the goods?

Logan stands up, wavering slightly.

**Logan:** I'll confess, there was a time when I drank.

**Everybody:** Ooooooh!

Pietro rolls his eyes.

**Pietro:** Sit down and give some real sinners a chance.

Tabby stands up. She puts one hand to her forehead dramatically.

**Tabby:** I'm just cursed with sex appeal. That's been my problem.

Rogue shouts from her seat, still in Remy's lap.

**Rogue:** She's not confessing, she's advertising!

A few people laugh as Tabby sits down in a huff.

**Pietro:** Come on, get busy! Who'll give us a real confession? You can tell me, I know what sin is. I've been a sinner!

Forge stands up.

**Forge:** I'll confess. I once led a girl astray.

**Pietro:** That's more like it. Can we hear from another Layman? Two…two…do I hear three?

Remy lifts up his glass.

**Remy:** I'll make it three!

Rogue smacks him in the back of the head. Pietro points to him like an auctioneer.

**Pietro:** Sold to the man with the blood-shot eyes.

**Remy:** Dey're not blood shot, mon ami…dey're always like this.

Scott nervously stands up.

**Scott:** May I say a word?

All eyes turn to him.

**Pietro:** Speak up, Brother!

**Scott:** I've never played this game before, but I'm rather enjoying it and I'd like to add my bit. I'm afraid I can't compete with these gentlemen in point of numbers, but I may lend a touch of color. When I was visiting China some time ago, there was a little Chinese girl named Plum Blossom of whom I became very fond. Eventually we had an unpremeditated romp in the rice and enjoyed it very much. Thank you.

He sits back down again, looking somewhat relieved.

Everybody stares at him.

A cricket chirps somewhere.

Jean looks like she's about to have a heart attack.

**Pietro:** I was worried about you, Brother…but now I'm worried even more. Disturbed, even.

Lance looks up briefly from where he's scribbling furiously on a notepad.

**Lance:** Summers, would you mind repeating what you just said?

Kurt, still looking somewhat shaken up, steps up to the spotlight again.

**Kurt:** There's a lesson for you, sinners! Search your hearts! Sign off with Satan and tune in with heaven! Where will you stand on the day of glory?

As the music begins, Pietro and Kurt step up together, with one hand over their ears in listening.

**Kurt/Pietro:** *spoken* _Do you hear that playin'?_

**Everybody:** *spoken* _Yes, we hear that playin'?_

**Kurt/Pietro:** *spoken* _Do you know who's playin'?_

**Everybody: ***spoken* _No, who is that playin'?_

**Kurt:** _Why it's Gabriel, Gabriel playin'_

**Pietro:** _Gabriel, Gabriel sayin'…  
"Will you be ready to go when I blow my horn?"  
Oh, Blow, Gabriel, Blow.  
Go on an Blow, Gabriel, Blow_

A few of the others start getting into it.

**Jubilee:** _I've been a sinner,_

**Tabby:** _I've been a scamp,_

**Pietro:** _But now I'm ready to trim my lamp.**  
**So Blow, Gabriel, Blow!_

He points over towards Todd.

**Pietro:** Sing it, Brother!

**Todd:** _I was Low, Gabriel, Low  
Mighty Low, Gabriel Low,_

**Xavier:** _But now, since I have seen the light_

**Roberto:** _I'm good by day, and I'm good by night!_

**Todd:** _So Blow, Gabriel, Blow!_

As the music slow in tempo, Wanda stands up and saunters up towards the stage.

**Wanda:** _Once I was headed for hell.  
Once I was headed for hell_

As she reaches the stage, she pulls herself up until she sits, swinging her legs over the edge.

**Wanda:** _But when I got to Satan's door  
I heard you blowin' on your horn once more  
So I said, "Satan, Farewell!"_

Warren stands up from where he was, in the back of the room.

**Warren:** _And now I'm all ready to fly!  
Yes, to Fly Higher and Higher._

**Kurt:** _'Cause I've gone through the Brimstone_

**Amara/Pyro:** _And I've gone through the fire!_

**Pietro:** _And I've purged my soul, and my heart too,  
So climb up the mountain top and start to…_

Logan and Sabertooth, arm in arm, hold up their drinks with their free hand.

**Logan/Sabertooth:** _Blow, Gabriel, Blow!  
Go on and Blow, Gabriel, Blow!_

**Jamie:** _I want to join your happy band,_

**Sam:** _And play all day in the promise land._

**Pietro/Kurt:** _So Blow, Gabriel Blow._

**Kurt:** *spoken* _Get up you scamps!_

**Pietro:** *spoken* _Get up, you sinners; you're all too full of expensive dinners!_

**Kurt/Pietro:** *spoken* _Stand up on your lazy feet and sing!_

Everybody stands up from where they were sitting, Remy gently pulling Rogue off his lap before doing so.

**Girls:** _Oh, Blow, Gabriel, Blow!  
Blow, Blow, Gabriel!  
I've been a sinner,  
I've been a scamp,  
But now I'm willing…_

**Everybody:** _Blow, Gabriel, Blow!_

**Boys:** _I was Low, Gabriel, Low,  
Mightly Low, Gabriel, Low,  
But now since I have seen the light_

**Everybody:** _I'm good by day, and I'm good by night  
So Blow, Gabriel, Blow_

Kitty steps into the spotlight, with the Brotherhood backing her up.

**Kitty:** _Once I was headed for Hell, (Ahh…)  
Once I was headed for Hell, (Ahh…)_

**Everybody:** _But when I got to Satan's door,  
I heard you blowin' on your horn once more.  
So I said, "Satan, Farewell…"_

The music gets quieter, and slowly crescendos upward as everybody speaks in rhythm.

**Everybody:** *spoken* _Satan, you stay away from me  
'Cause you ain't the man I wanna see!  
I'm gonna be good as the day I was born,  
'Cause I heard that man with the horn!_

**Evan:** *spoken* _Do ya hear it?_

There's a brief music interlude, then Pietro and Kurt go back and forth.

**Pietro:** *spoken* _Blow, Gabe…_

**Kurt:** *spoken* _Blow, Gabe…_

*beat*

**Everybody:** *spoken* _Blow!_

*beat*

**Everybody:** *spoken* _Blow!_

*beat*

**Everybody:** *spoken* _Blow!_

**Kurt:** _Blow, Gabriel, Blow  
Go on and  
Blow, Gabriel, Blow_

**Everybody:** _I want to join your happy band,  
And play all day in the promise land  
So Blow, Gabriel…  
Blow, Gabriel…  
Blow!_

As the music ends, the thunderous sound of applause is heard. The actors take their bows (some more smoothly than others), and the screen slowly fades away until there is nothing left but darkness and a little button that says:

**_REVIEW ME!_****  
l  
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v**


End file.
